HE still amazes me

I started this blog last week for several reasons.

1) I was (am) lonely. We just moved, and it takes me awhile to make friends. I still have my dear, precious, close friends and am SOOO thankful for free long distance on our phone, but they live in different states or countries.

No one to sit and have coffee with or sit by the pool and laugh with. So I laugh at myself as I write my entry. That sounds more pathetic than it actually is (I hope!).

2)I started reading Big Mama and Boo Mama's blogs, thanks to an old friend and blogger, Shelly. They made me laugh til I cried and share my faith.

I needed that desperately. I have a tendency to take myself and life way too seriously and forget to have fun, but I LOVE to have fun, and I know God loves it when I do too.

3) I was bored. Even with my "to do" list growing by the minute, doing stuff is not the same as connecting with people. And until we find a church we want to join, connecting with people is hard (see #1).

So I started blogging. It really did help to get mt thoughts out of my head and onto the computer screen. I spent all day Thursday thinking about what to write, how to not sound so sad and despondent but instead be positive.

Now don't get me wrong here. I'm not into fake or pretense. Most people that know me would agree, I'm about as real as it gets. I dislike shallowness and would rather remain silent than be forced into small talk. There is way too much to learn from one another, and unfortunately those things are usually not spoken of, whether from fear of judgment, rejection, embarrassment, etc. There's my serious side coming out in all its glory!!

But for the sake of my reader(s?), and to bring as much glory to God as possible, I would rather voice those things light-heartedly, when possible.

Plus, it just feels good to smile when God gives me a different way of thinking about something.

By Friday night, (I started blogging Friday morning) I felt God tugging at my heart, although I wasn't sure exactly what His WORD for me was yet.

All night I thought about it, wrestled with it, and still felt uneasy in spirit.

On Saturday morning, The Mama's (Big and Boo), along with some other blogs I read, were at a Deeper Still conference with Beth Moore, Kay Arthur and Priscilla. They all logged on to talk about God meeting them.

I wanted to be there desperately, to meet God with them.

Ok, meeting Beth Moore and Kay Arthur would have been really awesome too. But right now Lisa Whelchel (Blair from The Facts of Life), who I'm certain remembers me from a conference I attended (details later, but I'm CERTAIN we are BFFs!), will have to be enough celebrity-dom for me.

Where was I? I may not like shallow, meaningless conversation, but I can get off track and talk about 10 things along the way to meaningful.

Oh, yes. Meeting YHWH.

Saturday I just felt like, God I wish you would just SHOW me.

You see, every time we move, I feel so lost. My house isn't home. My friends aren't around. Nothing is comfortable.

In fact, almost everything is painful, as if my skin is raw and every circumstance is some form of rough cloth rubbing against it.

And being the woman of the house, you all know how it is. Until I find my groove, it's as if my kids can't find theirs either. And so the lostness seems overwhelming.

Hey, on LOST aren't there 6 survivors? There are 6 of us. Maybe this is some type of experiment.

No, wait. I'm not anywhere close to Kate on the looks scale, and you know if you were on the show you'd want to be Kate.

I'm just sayin'.

Back to topic.

God ALWAYS uses this time of loneliness to teach me. And I try to be teachable. I want to learn from HIM.

And it FINALLY dawned on me. I have been so busy, trying. Trying to reach out for friends. Busy working on my house so maybe I'd feel at home.

Instead of being. God just wants me to be still. Read HIS WORD. Pray, really pray, more.

So how AMAZED was (am) I to read the blogs of those who were at the Deeper Still conference and find that they were told that God takes us into the wilderness to teach us, and then they were challenged to be in The WORD more.

It's not the first time HE has shown Himself like that, but every time, I'm amazed HE would choose to do that for me.