Lessons

I am so thankful D is home.

I have seen over the last 11 years why God put two people together to raise a family. As independent and self-suffucient as I can be, it is definitely not desirable. I need him, and he needs me. I like that.

I have read posts today of people hurting. Women, in particular, hurting. Their pain is tangible. And it breaks my heart.

For whatever reason, since having my kids and especially since D went to war for over 2 years, when others are in pain, REAL pain, not the whiny stuff (like my last post!), I hurt for them and just want their life to be better.

We were at a Weekend to Remember conference in February and the speaker told a story of a couple who lost 2 children in an accident. I cried so much another couple sitting by us thought we must have had some similar situation. Thankfully we have not. I just cannot imagine their pain.

So as I was reading these blogs, I cried so much D stopped and asked if I was ok. Note: I am hormonal, and I DO cry at the drop of a hat during PMS. But the tears would have come regardless.

I am trying to figure out what God wants me to do with this tenderness I have for other people's pain, their struggles. In my new job, there is not a lot of room and/or tolerance from my co-workers for having concern for other people. It is a fine line, I agree, that many people just want your pity. And I am pretty discerning when it comes to that.

But there are other people who truly have a difficult life. That's just the way it is. Should I go out of my way to help them? I feel a pull to do just that. But how will my co-workers view me? We are a tight office, and I am the newby. How do I give in to God and maintain close relationships with those around me? I will have to trust God to maintain those relationships as I am faithful to Him.

For the past 12 years, I have been able to choose who I spend time with. And now, I am forced into relationships that are uncomfortable. Some people bring out the worst in me. Others encourage me. But overall, I feel like I am just in "learning" mode. Learning how to deal with people I would probably never have chosen in the past to spend time with.

Satan spends a great deal of time telling me how pathetic I am at this. I am a type A, perfectionist, organized, well-spoken. I do not tend to take on a task unless I know I can complete it well. Just to finish is not enough for me. I have to leave a mark. To be in a new job, with new people, where I feel like I am dropping the ball once a day is daunting to me. I feel like a complete failure and am sure my job is in jeopardy. But when I speak to my office confidant (also a believer, worked in this environment for several years, mature) she assures me that it is just the enemy and everyone drops the ball sometimes. At one point or another, everyone feels like they are just blowing it with those around them.

I know if I let Him, God will teach me. Sometimes I feel like I have so much going on at work, how will I ever be able to listen and learn?

So this is where I am this Sunday afternoon. Just mulling it over.